MJ

"Music is my life." People say it all the time. And I agree. Although I wouldn't use that exact sentiment. "Words are my life..?" Yeah, words work well (alliteration - Eeek!). Incase you haven't noticed, I'm a huge dweeb for diction and syntax. Therefore, music, the popular form of poetry, has always been a hugh part of my life.

Music has the ability to touch the lives of masses. It can alter moods and make you feel okay for feeling angry or down. There is a level of understanding Music contains that most people don't. That's why we relate to it so much. For those of us who can't explain ourselves verbally for what ever reason (frustration, fear of judgement, or just plain inarticulation), Music is that best friend that just "gets it."

Michael Jackson died yesterday. Last night, just like most people, I sat and reminisced on all the times he has been there for me. MJ was a little before my time, so I wasn't around to appreciate him in his prime. I was introduced to him around 11 or 12 when my mom bought Thriller at a garage sale. Then, a few years later we watched a MJ special where celebrities like Jennifer Lopez sang his praises. I was young, I didn't really get it. I thought his video's were awesome though, so when his album of #1's came out I bought it. My friends all made fun of me and I'd get the eye-rolls when I tried playing it in the car. I never let it deter me from listening to him though.

Moments of Understanding.

1. Black and White: Many people deal with racist remarks, myself included. When you're young, finding your identity is difficult enough without everyone throwing in their two negative cents. I'm biracial. Half white, half Arab. I've gone to school with the same kids since kindergarden so they were all well aware of this fact. Kids are cruel and make fun of everything but I think it was the racial remarks that got to me the most. I've been called everything from "nigglet" to "oreo" and let me tell you, it hurts. Especially when searching for a side of instant kinship. I fit in with neither culture. To whites, it's weird that I am Muslim. If you think Karen from Mean Girls is the only person to ever ask "why are you white?" you'd be terribly mistaken. I've heard it regularly. To Arabs, my skin color differentiated me from them and most find it weird that I don't speak Arabic.

I remember being in the lunch room sophomore year of HS. I sat with 4 white kids because the closeted gay guy was my only friend there. The lunch room was crowded and a group of 10 black kids came to sit at the other end out our table. (Each side of the table holds 8 people). I new one of the girls, we talked during Health. She

was nice. Although there was plenty of room on our side of the table for everyone to spread out, they didn 't. I guess they didn't want to be evasive or whatnot. One day, a girl was just standing there talking to her friends (it was easier to stand than be squished - it looked uncomfortable) so I moved over and made room for her. The "head white girl" at our table - Ivona (disgusting pig of a human being) didn't like that very much. The next day she took my books and threw them on the other side of the table and told me to "stop letting THEM encroach on our table." I never said anything to her, which I regret. But I continued to sit in my spot and always moved over so those on the "black side" of the table had room. Ivona tried to get me to leave the tabel a few times. Made the other girls spread out and not let me in. But they were pushovers and didn't like saying "no" to anyone. All I had to do was ask them to move over and they did; all to the wrath of Ivona but I didn't care. I had no respect for anyone who considered her a friend. They never talked to me anymore, but I was cool with that.

Heh. That's a metaphor for my life if I've ever seen one. I literally sat in between two skin colors. Maybe that's why I've always been drawn to celebrities like Alicia Keys and Mariah Carey who speak outwardly of identity hardships for biracial individuals. Like with these women, MJ's Black and White was a pure moment of understanding. I didn't have to explain myself to anyone in order to feel understood. It was an instant connection and significant role in my own personal self discovery.

His other songs, on a lighter note..

2. Man in the Mirror, Human Nature & You Are Not Alone: These songs were on EVERY cry playlist.

3. Dirty Diana, Billie Jean & Smooth Criminal: The most haunting songs. I've ended bad days with them and began some intensely focused ones.

4. The Way You Make Me Feel, Don't Stop Til You Get Enough, Rock With You & PYT: I've outplayed them numerous times on bus rides / long road trips. They are the greatest feel-good songs.

To say this man was "iconic" is an understatement. When he released an album, it didn't just go number one. It went number one in every country in the world! And as of today, he holds the top nine albums spots on iTunes.

Sick, huh?

It's amazing that with his death, so many more people/generations are exposed to his music. It's nice to know it will never fade.

I remember thinking my mother was weird when I heard she cried when Elvis died. That's all changed now that I've experienced the death of an influential musician. I don't get emotional over death. I've lost a lot, I feel immune. I'm not going to lie and say I didn't cry a couple of times this morning, because I did. Music is that level of understanding that most people aren't. MJ understood me better than my own family. He was kin to those of us who didn't have it. I'm glad we'll always have his music. He was larger than life, eccentricities and all. Therefore, he's most definitely larger than death.

Thanks, MJ.